mental well being and coping strategies

Two Things You Can Do To Stop Ruminating - Dr. Tracey Marks

Watch the video above to see how our brain works. It is worth the time. The video above appears on Youtube for the keyword "how to stop ruminating". Search for "Dr. Tracey Marks" on Google or DuckDuckGo and you will find her website. Or you can check out links [3] and [4].

Why Mind Wandering Is Bad For You and How to Stop It

How Rumination Differs From Emotional Processing
From Very Well Mind [1]:
How Rumination Works
  • Most people don’t set out to ruminate over their problems. Most of us want to be happy and want to focus on thoughts that make us happy. The problem comes in when something really frustrating, threatening, or insulting happens to us something that is difficult to accept—and we can’t let it go.
  • We may be trying to make sense of it in our mind, making an attempt to learn from it, or we may just be seeking validation that this should not have happened. Whatever the reason, though, we can’t stop thinking about it, and when we think about it, we become upset.
How Does Rumination Differ From Emotional Processing?
  • The defining aspect of rumination that differentiates it from regular problem-solving is the unproductively negative focus it takes. Rumination may involve going over the details of a situation in one’s head or talking to friends about it.
  • Basically, rumination involves negative thought patterns that are immersive or repetitive. Many people slip into rumination when they are trying to process their emotions, but they become “stuck” in negative patterns of replaying past hurts without moving toward solutions or feelings of resolution.1
  • What distinguishes rumination or “dwelling on problems” from productive emotional processing or searching for solutions is that rumination doesn’t generate new ways of thinking, new behaviors, or new possibilities.
  • Ruminative thinkers go over the same information repeatedly without change and stay in a negative mindset.
  • Rumination can even be "contagious" in a way; it is possible for two people to engage in “co-rumination” and keep a negative situation alive between them with little movement toward the positive.
Recognizing Rumination in Yourself
  • What does rumination look like, and how is it different from productive emotional processing? Rumination and emotional processing both tend to focus on problems and usually on emotions surrounding these problems.
  • Rumination, however, tends to have a more negative bent – often including thought patterns that involve pessimism and cognitive distortions and focusing mainly on the negative aspects of a situation.
  • Emotional processing, by contrast, may start out this way, but leads to acceptance and release of negative emotions, while rumination keeps you "stuck."
Signs of Rumination
As a general rule, the following can be indicators that you may have fallen into the trap of rumination:
  • Focusing on a problem for more than a few idle minutes
  • Feeling worse than you started out feeling
  • No movement toward accepting and moving on
  • No closer to a viable solution
  • Likewise with a conversation with a friend, if you both end up feeling worse afterward, you've likely just engaged in co-rumination.
What to Do About Rumination
  • Rumination can be really difficult to give up, especially if you don't recognize it as rumination, or you don't know how to stop.
  • Letting go of stress and anger can help with ruminative thinking.
  • Properly dealing with negative emotions can also help with rumination and the feelings of stress that come with it.
Rumination: Why Do People Obsess Over Things?
From Very Well Mind [2]:
Causes of Rumination
  • So why do people obsess over things? It appears that different people obsess over things for different reasons, and some people are more prone to it than others.
  • Some people want to make sense of a situation, but can't seem to understand or accept it, so they keep replaying it. Other people want reassurance that they were right (especially if they feel on an unconscious level that they were wrong).
  • Some people are trying to solve the problem or prevent similar things from happening in the future, but can't figure out how. And others may just want to feel heard and validated or want to feel justified in absolving themselves of responsibility.
  • Most people engage in this type of thinking from time to time. Before a stressful event, you might find yourself thinking about it excessively. After a relationship ends, you might go over all the things you wish you had done differently.
  • In most cases, these ruminating thoughts eventually fade as other concerns rise to the forefront of your thoughts. When these thoughts are persistent and seem uncontrollable, they might be a sign of a mental health condition.
Rumination can be a symptom of a variety of mental health conditions. Some conditions that are associated with ruminating thoughts include:
  • Depression3
  • Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • Phobias
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
The Negative Effects of Rumination
  • Rumination starts innocently: It's your mind's attempt to make sense and move on from a frustrating situation.
  • However, rumination can catch you in a circular, self-perpetuating loop of frustration and stress. When you're dealing with chronic conflicts in your relationships, you may experience chronic stress from too much rumination.
  • Rumination can be oddly irresistible and can steal your attention before you even realize that you’re obsessing again. In addition to dividing your attention, rumination has several negative effects.
  • Several bestselling books on mindfulness have been touted as excellent stress-relief resources, such as "There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn and Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth, and Wherever You Go."
  • One of the major reasons that these books relieve stress so well is that they provide examples of how to drastically cut down on rumination, which leads to a stressed state of mind.
Negative Frame of Mind
  • Not surprisingly, rumination is said to have a negative effect by producing a more depressed, unhappy mood.
  • Not only is this unpleasant in itself, but from what we know about optimism and pessimism, this negative frame of mind brings a whole new set of consequences.
Less Proactive Behavior
  • While people may get into a ruminating frame of mind with the intention of working through the problem and finding a solution, research has shown that excessive rumination is associated with less proactive behavior, higher disengagement from problems, and an even more negative state of mind as a result.
  • That means that rumination can contribute to a downward spiral of negativity.
  • Research has linked rumination with negative coping behaviors, like binge eating.
  • Self-sabotaging types of coping behavior can create more stress, perpetuating a negative and destructive cycle.
  • A link has also been found between rumination and hypertension.
  • Rumination may prolong the stress response, which increases the negative impact of stress on the heart.
  • Because of the health risks involved with hypertension, it’s particularly important to combat rumination and find healthy strategies for dealing with stress and staying centered.
Overcoming Rumination.
While understanding why you are ruminating can help you find ways to cope, it often matters less why you obsess over things and more how you can stop. Here are a few ideas on how to catch yourself and refocus.

Establish a Time Limit
  • It can be helpful to get support and validation from your friends, but too much discussion of wrongs perpetrated by others can lead to a dynamic in your relationships that's negative and gossipy and lends more to reinforcing the frustration of the situation than to finding solutions and closure.
  • If you're seeking support from friends, you can secretly set yourself a time limit on how many minutes you'll allow yourself to devote to talking about the problem and your feelings around it, before focusing on a solution.
  • Then brainstorm solutions with your friend, or on your own in a journal.
How to Stop Ruminating - Julia Kristina Counselling

Keep an Open Mind
  • It's been suggested by more than a few therapists that what really upsets us about others may be a mere reflection of what we don't accept in ourselves.
  • When you think about what the other person did to make you angry, can you try and draw on a similar experience in yourself to help better appreciate their perspective and the reasons behind what they did?
  • Even if you don't necessarily agree with them, can you empathize? The loving-kindness meditation can be a wonderful tool here for forgiveness and letting go and can be great combat for rumination.
Create Boundaries
  • Remember the wonderful phrase: "First time, shame on you; the second time, shame on me."
  • It perfectly describes responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries, and if nothing else, allows you to use each encounter to learn something about yourself and the other person so you can change the way things go in the future.
  • Look at what happened with the eye of change—not to blame the other person for hurting you, but to come up with solutions that will prevent the same situation from occurring twice.
  • Where might you say no earlier, or protect yourself more in the future? Rather than remaining hurt or angry, come from a place of strength and understanding.
  • It may take some practice, but you can change your habitual thought patterns, and this is a prime situation where such a change can transform your experience of stress.
  • It may not happen instantly, but soon you may no longer obsess over things, and experience less emotional stress as a result.
A Word From Verywell
  • Personal reflection can be a helpful way to process emotions and experiences, but it can be harmful to your mental well-being when it turns into rumination.
  • If you feel like rumination is affecting your state of mind, there are ways to get help.
  • Talk to a doctor or mental health professional for treatment options. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), which helps people identify and change negative thought patterns, can be helpful for turning rumination into more helpful ways of thinking.
List of sources:
[3] Dr. Tracey had been on Youtube since 2007. Check out her about page on Youtube here:
[4] I found this website when searching for the keyword "Dr. Tracey Marks" on DDG:
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Symptoms and How We Treat It - Dr. Tracey Marks

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder vs Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Dr. Tracey Marks

PS: OCD had been mentioned on this forum a few times before so I choose to share these videos here. The videos above are just for educational purposes only. If you have OCD, please ask your psychiatrist for specific advice, and do not take any medicine without approval from your psychiatrist. Thanks.

The videos above are from the same Youtube channel I shared here in the last 2 weeks. Search on DDG/Google for the keyword "Dr. Tracey Marks" and you will find her website. Or you can check out her about page here on Youtube. She had been on Youtube since 2007.
I think it’s great to have a regular movement practice, it installs discipline and really goes a long way to keeping us well mentally and physically , I know these practices help me tremendously.

the Russians, Indians and Chinese all have ancient movement systems that mobilize and articulate all major joints of the body. This is to promote energy flow in the body which gives health. One of the reasons you may see the ancient numbers like 108, is because there are 108 neuromuscular junctions in the body, these relate to the vital points. Also the number 7 relates to the main 7 endocrine glands of the body (chakras) Martial arts and healing always where taught and practiced side by side , for balance and also the knowledge to destroy the body can also be used to heal and cure it. most martial arts masters are also healers
Currently, i'm receiving spiritual healing - if i detect any change from it , will post about it
@captain-sensible -- I am familiar with A Course in Miracles from some time ago. I find it makes for too long a read. The same things could have been said in a quarter of the pages. Too many words make me suspicious. The Bible, for instance, could be summed up by Micah 6:8.

The Four Agreements are the latest of my KISS finds. I hope you may find it of some help, as I have.
i already have it downloaded and its on my reading list :^) probably finish it tomorrow

@forester very thought provoking, and best of all does not conflict but complements over texts i'm studying . Also just downloaded the 5th Agreement , which i will read ...
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10 Harsh Truths You Need To Accept To Live a Happy Life - Part 1

10 Harsh Truths You Need To Accept To Live a Happy Life - Part 2

12 Harsh Truths You Need To Accept To Live a Happy Life

About the videos and chanels
All the above videos are ranked on Youtube and Google for keyword "truths you need to accept to live a happy life".
The above channels are on Youtube since 2014 and 2016 with more than 1 million subscribers.
I have concluded that due to grieving I currently have a mental impairment .
Its been written about:
J. William Worden, PhD, ABPP, was a Fellow of the American Psychological Association
and held academic appointments at the Harvard Medical School and at the Rosemead

Graduate School of Psychology in California.He wrote a book about grief and mental health, although subsequent issues following the loss of a partner have been well documented.Like depression and grief, trauma and grief share many of the same behavioural features. A number of articles discuss how they are similar and how they are different. There are some, like Rando, Horowitz, and Figley, who would subsume all grief under trauma.

Studies have shown that grief actually involves neural processes in the brain that can affect various parts of the brain and its functions, including affect processing, mentalizing, memory retrieval, visual imagery, and autonomic regulation – basically the inability to function normally .My own experience is that what it surmounts to can be referred to as a level of mental disability, including confusion , vulnerability, and inability to control my emotions with feelings of intense anxiety.

Is does have its advantages though and under the legal frame work of equality Act 2010 area of mental disability and human rights Act 1998 and 2000 I have initiated legal action on the DWP section of the Uk Civil Service
Having witnessed it, not having experienced, I dare say it looks pretty f*ckin' traumatic to me.
Grief can cause a person to go loco and this craziness can be transitory, temporary or even chronic.
The world is full of stories of, say, a mother going mad after losing all her childrenar once.

I personally went temporarily loco with a divorce (which is much like a death), got a DUI, and was grateful to the cop that arrested me, afterwards.
i tried clinical approaches for a while, but i find now adays accumulations of little things just derail me in 2 month cycles, and then i just feel guilty even though there isn't anyone to apologize to. Otherwise i have great life...the most important thing seems to be getting enough exercise and avoiding complaining about things on the internet. Complaining typically gets me further in real life as long as i'm not being an as*hole about it.
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Having witnessed it, not having experienced, I dare say it looks pretty f*ckin' traumatic to me.
grief effects everyone on so many levels: there's confusion, people being dismissive of things being "real problems", end-of-life decisions (that sounds extremely corporate, btw), ambivalent feelings about people who've died, and then the dreaded estate planning and funerals.
Trauma overrall can be a really complicated thing, sometimes i spend time in my own little fantasy world thinking about how someone screwed with me in the past, i probably should see a therapist, but i've tried contacting them over the past couple of years and they quickly stop talking to me. I can't say it's "their" fault, however, there are certain structures that make it hard for people to get help these days. Talking about them is a political discussion, but you can pretty much come up with any "institution" a lot of the stories will be the same! The person who can deal with me is rather rare.
I've thought about this long and hard today, and I could just as easily have placed this in my Rock Roxx thread, but I am placing it here.

I was talking with a friend today, where someone was putting them down - that is, tearing strips off them, making things up about them, venting their spleen.

This is bullying. It is bad enough if your mental health is good. It is magnified exponentially if you have some issues yourself.

As is my wont, I think of songs that reflect issues I am keen on. So I am placing a song here that reflects that.

It is from ELO and while it is named "Don't Bring Me Down", for bring you could put put, if you get me?

So this is for you, my friend (and for me, and others)

Take it away, Jeff and the band (this is foot-stomping music so crank up the volume, and I want to hear those floors shakin' and those rafters rattlin')

This for those who suffer the after effects of such bullying, marriage breakdown, loss of family, affair recovery, divorce, ....and the list is endless. At some stage in life, it consumes us all. It is more commonly called Grief.

According to Kübler-Ross, the five stages of grief are:



"Acceptance" -- necessary for continued happiness yet a dirty word to our egos.
I concluded I am better off not listening to my ego. Easier said than done, though!
Best wishes to all!