mental well being and coping strategies

[wizardfromoz]

This thread is "open for business" again. Please visit the amended Terms and Conditions pinned at the top of Off Topic.

Thank you

Chris Turner
wizardfromoz

 

[captain-sensible]

Good news, i think in addition please use the Queens English or if your a republican( never controversial me ) , that means no profanities.

Jokes or talking in a "light hearted" manner are not really applicable to Mental Health since its a serious subject ,but a joke that is considered to be none offensive can be helpful to diffuse emotions. A healthy sense of humor is usually helpful to avoid angst.

Not sure the thinking on my pre-amble on first post :

Readers should be warned that content may be profound or disturbing to the status quo, readers should preferably be aged 18 and over...

 

[captain-sensible]

Going through another Roller Coaster and adjustment- neurologist showed us scan confirming that wife did suffer some brain damage. I had a gut feeling about wifes illness 2 yrs ago and had to turn down a job to teach ICT for funny enough for a Menatal health Based NGO . i'm now officially my wife's carer . Rounds of appointments with medical consultants about blood test etc and another brain scan coming up!

 

[captain-sensible]

this is where we are this week

 

[captain-sensible]

with my PC and & now Arch OS I like to have a look and see what I can tweak or improve. For instance i really like notes an xfce offering - but since I use cinnamon Desktop really i don't need xfce4-goodies of which notes was a aprt ;anyway i got rid of excess baggage by just installing xpad and removing xfce4-goodies.


So thats a metaphor for the same principal i do with myself . I'm having a read through another C.B.t book. An exercise in the book asks you to fill in a form and from it; an element of your mental status can be deduced. I've put it attachment if anyone is interested. I won't tell you my score but luckily it wasn't a case "phone the guys in white coats immediately"

 

[captain-sensible]

the next couple of weeks i will be reviewing the 10 Cognitive Distortions:

1) All or nothing thinking
2) Over generalisations ...etc

 

[captain-sensible]

by completing Burns Depression checklist at intervals and working through David D Burns books; it has helped me cope with wifes Illness

 

[captain-sensible]

i reckon grieving process looks like its going to take 6 months .

 

[Condobloke]

Allow yourself as much time as it takes, Andy.

 

[KGIII]

i reckon grieving process looks like its going to take 6 months .

If there's one thing I've learn about death it is that everyone grieves in their own fashion. You do you and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[smooth_buddha]

When it comes to mental and physcial wellbeing i really like Paul chek's 4 Doctor approach, he says there are 4 doctors within all of us they are:
DR QUIET (sleep 8 hour +)
DR DIET (healthy eating, natural wholesome foods 2-3 meals per day)
DR HAPPY ( livng your dream, what makes you happy, your legacy)
DR MOVEMENT ( exercise a balance of working out and a balance of working in)

Paul said the above 4 doctors where actually taken from ancient greek physicians they had the 3 doctors , dr diet, dr quiet and dr hapy but paul added dr movement as ur modern lifetstyes are so sedentary he said even washing clothes by hand back in those days was like a workout these days!

These doctors fall into 2 categories of yin and yang

YIN = dr quiet and dr diet , parasympathetic nervous system , we cultivate energy and draw energy into ourselves, feminie aspect

YANG = dr happy and dr movement, sympathetic nervous system, we expell and use up energy , the masculine aspect

our lives are a harmony and balance between these 2 opposing forces, we need to rest well gain vitality and then we have the seed and energy to do the things we enjoy in life. If were in balance then wellbeing is good but if we are out of balance then we are affected negatively.

I personally had break down a few years ago , completely utterly mental, emotional, physical and spiritual breakdown. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder and took a long time to rebalance again.

I try to live the above 4 doctors as best i can and it helps emensly. These seemingly 4 simple aspects of our lives are actually very difficult due to modern living, to sleep, rest ,eat and exercise adequately is difficult giving modern stresses, but these 4 staples really help to stabilize our physiology.

People often think of the "mind" as something seperate from the "body" but it is not so. often if we are emotionally and mentally out of balance you can guarantee that your endocrine system, nervous system, hormonal system is also out of balance.

That is why it is so important to eat well, sleep well and move some then we feel good. Movement does not have to be hardcore athletics or extreme fitness or cross fit, good movement can be just 20-30 minutes of walking a day which is very beneficial to out systems or perhaps some yoga or thai chi, which are energy building as opposed to a crushing gym workout which is very energy expending and depleting.

I often find myself looking to ancient practices and cultures for wisdom of good living. modern living makes people so complex that its easy to see how modern living can make us all crazy if we don't have healthy rituals and practices which keep the basics like sleep,diet and exercise our foundation for a healthy and happy life.

 

[wizardfromoz]

Andy, I went on a pilgrimage to Glen Innes in New South Wales the other weekend, looking for a wise man, but found Brian @Condobloke instead, so shared a beer or 3 with him.

OK, that was glib (one of my coping mechanisms)

I just read Elaine a part of Brian's signature, which says, in part

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time — the mind, protecting its sanity — covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. Rose Kennedy.

Now that was a lady who knew all about grief - 2 sons assassinated.

My wife Elaine and I subscribe to that.

We lost her younger son Brett in a motor vehicle incident (I won't call it an accident, it was his fault on several counts), 11 years ago in May coming up. We still grieve.

But (and every one knows Wizard's but is seldom far behind him) whenever we see our granddaughter Hayley (as recently as Christmas) we see Brett in her, and we adore her, so we see Brett in her, but also recognise her as her own person.

You have, is it 2 kids? If you look at them when they are asleep, it can make you shed a tear, but through the tears, a smile is waiting.

Chris

 

[captain-sensible]

cheers Chris for that ; had an interesting piece of advice from Someone who stated that "life does not happen To You, but For You"

Now i'm going to throw you a curve ball ; in an impromptu meeting with a medium, he described a lady with a scar above her right eye, wearing a turban but not a turban i.e African head scarf. The only person I have seen man or woman in my life that had what he described was my wife .

 

[captain-sensible]

I found practising TAi Chi a great help

 

[smooth_buddha]

I found practising TAi Chi a great help

Awesome! I think ancient practices that re teach us how to move and breathe are are what we all need. Thats what we lose in modern living , we are so caught up in thinking , paying bills, stressing, worrying we forget to breathe and move and a a result our bodies, muscles and joints become tight, stiff and full of adrenal acids.
The ancient chinese cAlled the lifeforce energy chi , the indians called it prana. It could be interpreted modernly as nervous system energy, the energy that animates our bodies systems. These practices help move our bodies energy so its free flowing and we feel good

 

[captain-sensible]

When i first started doing Martial Arts; i used to think, those Romantic Japanese and Chinese with their Chi and KI, then i took up Tai Chi; it had quite an effect subtly . Some commented it had transformed me from the person i was when i first walked in.

One day my hands went red, with little white dots- i thought I hope i'm not getting Multiple Sclerosis or something. My Tai Chi sifu said " oh thats Salami Hand" . A friend who is a Reiki master could also see that energy

 

[smooth_buddha]

When i first started doing Martial Arts; i used to think, those Romantic Japanese and Chinese with their Chi and KI, then i took up Tai Chi; it had quite an effect subtly . Some commented it had transformed me from the person i was when i first walked in.

One day my hands went red, with little white dots- i thought I hope i'm not getting Multiple Sclerosis or something. My Tai Chi sifu said " oh thats Salami Hand" . A friend who is a Reiki master could also see that energy

I think it’s great to have a regular movement practice, it installs discipline and really goes a long way to keeping us well mentally and physically , I know these practices help me tremendously.

the Russians, Indians and Chinese all have ancient movement systems that mobilize and articulate all major joints of the body. This is to promote energy flow in the body which gives health. One of the reasons you may see the ancient numbers like 108, is because there are 108 neuromuscular junctions in the body, these relate to the vital points. Also the number 7 relates to the main 7 endocrine glands of the body (chakras) Martial arts and healing always where taught and practiced side by side , for balance and also the knowledge to destroy the body can also be used to heal and cure it. most martial arts masters are also healers

 

[MatsuShimizu]

What Is Ego And How Is It Different From Self Respect - This video explains in layman

The above video is ranked on Youtube for the keywords "are ego the same as self-respect". For details, please check link [1] below, which I found on search engines.

Ego VS Self-Esteem: Differences Between Ego & Self-Esteem - MindLifeWeekly

The above video is ranked on Youtube for the keywords "are ego the same as self-esteem" and "ego vs self-esteem". For details, please check out link [5] which I found on search engines.

The Difference Between The Ego Self and Your True Self - Julia Kristina Counselling

Enter "Julia Kristina Counselling" on the search engine to find her website/service. Or you can check out links [2] and [3]. ​

Related test sites

Self-esteem test: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/self-esteem-test
Egoism vs altruism test: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/testspersonality-3

11 Signs of Low Self-Esteem + Solutions

From Very Well Mind [4]:
Self-esteem refers to a person's overall sense of self-value.

• It is essentially your opinion about yourself. It can encompass a range of factors such as your sense of identity, your self-confidence, feelings of competence, and feelings of belonging.
• It plays an important role in a variety of areas in life, which is why having low self-esteem can be such a serious problem.

Self-esteem is about more than just generally liking yourself—it also means believing you deserve love and valuing your own thoughts, feelings, opinions, interests, and goals.

• Having self-esteem not only impacts how you feel about and treat yourself—it can also play a role in how you allow others to treat you.
• It can affect your motivation to go after the things you want in life and your ability to develop healthy, supportive relationships.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

• Poor self-esteem can affect a person’s thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behavior.
• Sometimes these signs can be more apparent, but in some cases that can be much more subtle.
• Some people with low self-esteem talk negatively about themselves, while others go out of their way to make sure that other people are pleased with them.
• In either case, this lack of personal worth and value can have a serious negative impact on a person's life and wellness.

Image from Very Well Mind [4]. Credit to the owner.

Some common signs of low self-esteem are outlined below.

Poor Confidence

• People with low self-confidence tend to have low self-esteem and vice versa.1 Being confident in yourself and your abilities allows you to know that you can rely on yourself to manage different situations.
• This self-trust means that you feel comfortable and confident navigating many different things you might encounter in life, which can play an important role in your overall well-being.
• Low self-esteem can play a role in causing this lack of confidence, but poor confidence can also contribute to or worsen poor self-esteem.
• Finding ways to gain confidence in yourself and your abilities can be helpful. Acquiring and practicing new skills is one tactic you might try to boost your confidence and self-esteem.

Lack of Control

• People who have low self-esteem often feel that they have little control over their lives or what happens to them.
• This might be due to the fact that they feel that they have little ability to create changes either in themselves or in the world.
• Because they have an external locus of control, they may feel that they are powerless to do anything to fix their problems.
• Research has found that in situations where people do have little control over what happens, having higher self-esteem can help relieve some of the negative effects of this loss of control, which ultimately benefits mental health.
• If you are struggling with feeling like you have no control over your life or situation, finding ways to improve your self-esteem may be helpful for your well-being.

Negative Social Comparison

• Social comparison can sometimes serve a positive function and enhance a person's sense of self.
• However, comparing yourself to others can also play a role in damaging self-esteem.
• People with low self-esteem may be more likely to engage in what is known as upward social comparison, or comparing themselves to people who they think are better than themselves.
• Upward social comparison isn't always bad. Sometimes these comparisons can be a source of information and inspiration for improvement.
• When people are left with feelings of inadequacy or hopelessness, however, it can inhibit self-esteem.
• Social media may also play a role in such comparisons. If you often compare yourself unfavorably to people on social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram, your self-esteem may begin to take a hit.

The Very Real Effects of Relationship Conflict and Stress

Problems Asking for What You Need

• When a person has low self-esteem, they may struggle to ask for what they need.
• Because their self-regard is low, they may feel that they don't deserve help.
• They might also feel embarrassed or incompetent by their need for assistance and support.
• Because they don't prioritize their own desires, they struggle to assert themselves when they are in need.

Worry and Self-Doubt

• Even after making a decision, people who have low self-worth often worry that they’ve made the wrong choice.
• They doubt their own opinions and may often defer to what others think instead of sticking to their choices.
• This can often lead to a great deal of second-guessing and self-doubt, which make it harder for people with low self-esteem to make decisions about their lives.

Trouble Accepting Positive Feedback

• One 2017 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that low self-esteem is directly correlated to not being able to accept or capitalize on compliments from others.
• Because they don’t have a positive opinion about themselves, people who have low self-esteem find it difficult to accept compliments from others.
• This positive feedback is often met with suspicion and distrust.
• These complimentary words do not align with their beliefs about themselves, so people with self-esteem issues may even feel that the other person is being flippant or even cruel.

Negative Self-Talk

• Low self-esteem causes people to focus on their flaws rather than their strengths.
• Rather than build themselves up with positive self-talk, they always seem to have something negative to say about themselves.
• They blame themselves when things go wrong and always find some fault with some aspect of themselves, whether it is their appearance, their personality, or their abilities.

Fear of Failure

• Because they lack confidence in their abilities, people with low self-esteem doubt their ability to achieve success.
• While they might fear failure, they tend to either avoid challenges or give up quickly without really trying.
• This fear of failure can be seen in behaviors such as acting out when things go wrong or looking for ways to hide feelings of inadequacy.
• People might make excuses, blame external factors, or try to downplay the importance of the task.

Poor Outlook

• Low self-worth also causes people to feel that there is little chance that the future will be any better.
• These feelings of hopelessness can make it hard for people with low self-esteem to engage in behaviors that will bring about positive changes in their lives.
• Self-sabotage is also a common way of coping with such feelings. By finding obstacles to prevent success, people with low self-esteem are able to find something else to blame for what they see as their own shortcomings.

Lack of Boundaries

• The ability to create boundaries is often established early in life.
• Children who have caregivers that show them that they are respected and valued are more likely to be able to create good boundaries in adult relationships.
• They are also more likely to have a more positive view of themselves in general.
• People who don't value themselves can have a difficult time setting boundaries with other people.
• They may feel guilty or fear that people will stop liking them if they try to establish or maintain a boundary.
• This can create problems when people don't respect a person's space and time.
• The lack of respect not only adds to stress but may make a person feel less valued.

Trying to Please Others

• People-pleasing can also be another common symptom of low self-esteem.
• In order to gain external validation, people who don't feel good about themselves may go above and beyond to make sure that other people are comfortable and happy.
• This often involves neglecting their own needs, saying yes to things they may not want to do, and feeling guilty about saying no.

Impact of Low Self-Esteem

Research suggests that low self-esteem is linked to a number of mental health problems including:

• Anxiety
• Eating disorders
• Emotional distress
• Panic disorder
• Risky behaviors6
• Social anxiety disorder
• Substance use
• Stress

Low self-esteem can make it more difficult to achieve your goals and form healthy, supportive relationships.

• It can also play a role in the development of certain mental health problems and conditions including anxiety and depression.
• Research has also shown that people who have low self-esteem are also more likely to be at risk for suicidal thinking.
• Having low self-esteem can also make people more sensitive to criticism or rejection.
• Where someone with high self-esteem is likely to be able to shake off negative feedback, someone with poor self-value might take it more personally.
• This can also make people with self-esteem problems more likely to give up when faced with challenges or obstacles.

Research has found that people with low self-esteem often engage in behaviors that are designed to help preserve their limited self-worth.

• Actions such as acting sad or sulking are designed to try to garner support from others.
• Unfortunately, these behaviors tend to backfire. Instead of getting the support and encouragement that they need to boost their self-esteem, they end up generating negative reactions from other people.

Solution: Coping

Low self-esteem can take a toll on your emotional well-being, so it is important to take steps to address your sense of self and get the support that you need. Building your self-esteem takes time, but there are things that you can do to help protect your mental well-being while you are taking steps to improve your self-regard.

Things that you can do that may help include:
Focus on Hopeful Thoughts

• Spend a little time each day focusing on positive, hopeful thoughts.
• Notice the little things that you are good at and allow yourself to feel proud of them.
• Think about times in the past when you have made it through something really difficult and remind yourself that even though you might not feel your best right now, you have the ability and strength to get through it.

Care for Yourself

• Poor self-esteem can sometimes leave you feeling like you don’t deserve care and consideration.
• Work on reminding yourself that you need care and look for things that you can do to show kindness to yourself, no matter how small they may be.
• Spend some time doing something that you enjoy.
• Give yourself moments of rest and relaxation.
• Investing in your own care and comfort isn’t an indulgence or reward you have to earn—it’s absolutely vital to both your physical and mental health.

Get Some Outside Support

• Share your struggles with someone else who can offer unconditional support.
• This might be a friend or family member, but it can also be a person such as a doctor, therapist, teacher, or clergy member.
• Having a network of caring people who value you and want you to value yourself can be helpful as you work toward improving your self-esteem.

Solution: How to Build Self-Esteem

If you are struggling with low self-esteem, there are things that you can do to help improve how you feel about yourself. Some of these strategies include:

Notice Your Thoughts

• Start paying attention to the automatic negative thoughts you have each day.
• When negative thoughts take hold, it is important to work to actively identify cognitive distortions and replace unhelpful thinking with positive thinking.

Forgive Yourself

• If you tend to ruminate over your mistakes or failures, it is important to learn how to forgive yourself and move on.
• Doing so can keep you focused on the things you can do better in the future instead of the negative things that have happened in the past.

Practice Self-Acceptance

• It is important to let go of the idea that you need to be perfect in order to have value.
• Work on accepting who you are today.
• This doesn't mean that you don't have goals or things that you might want to work on changing, but it is important to recognize that you are worthy of love and esteem—from yourself and from others—exactly as you are right now.

Value Yourself

• Spend time thinking about the things you have accomplished and the things you take pride in.
• Allow yourself to appreciate your worth and your talents without making comparisons or focusing on things that you’d like to change.
• You don’t need to be better in order to value yourself—but learning to value yourself can help you work toward your goals.
• It can be helpful to think of yourself as you would a friend.
• How would you treat someone you care about who was in the same situation?
• In many cases, you may find that you would give them understanding, patience, empathy, and kindness — so it is important to show yourself the same unconditional support instead of beating yourself up.

Solution: Ways to Boost Low Self-Esteem

Here's some tips on how you can build your self-esteem:

• Do something that makes you feel good.
• Stay physically active—exercise can help improve mood.
• Think about something you are good at.
• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Challenge a negative thought.
• Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself.
• Volunteer to help others.
• Remember that everyone makes mistakes.
• Celebrate your accomplishments, both the big and the small achievements.

A Word From Verywell

Self-esteem plays an important role in your ability to pursue goals, develop healthy relationships, and feel good about who you are.

• While everyone struggles with their confidence once in a while, low self-esteem can affect your ability to feel happy and can even make you more susceptible to mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.
• If you are experiencing symptoms of poor self-esteem, there are ways that you can get help.
• Consider talking to a doctor or mental health professional. A therapist can help you change the thought patterns that contribute to low self-esteem and boost your confidence and opinion of yourself and your abilities.
• Changing your view of yourself may take some time and effort, but over time you can learn to better see and appreciate yourself for who you are.

List of sources:

All the videos above are ranked on Youtube for keywords like "are ego the same as self-esteem", "are ego the same as self-respect", "ego vs true self".

[1] https://askanydifference.com/difference-between-ego-and-self-respect/
[2] https://juliakristina.com/the-difference-between-the-ego-self-and-your-true-self/ - I found this website by entering Julia Kristina Counselling on search engine
[3] https://juliakristina.com/about/
[4] https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-low-self-esteem-5185978
[5] https://whitedovecircle.org/the-difference-between-ego-and-selfesteem

PS: I am going to post content like this in the next 2 weeks. Thanks for reading.

Factcheck on search engines:

 

[MatsuShimizu]

Boundaries for Beginners: How to Set and Keep Your Boundaries - Julia Kristina Counselling​

Tips:

• Setting boundaries is about having respect for yourself and others, like being mentioned in the video above.
• If you notice anything unfair in your relationship, probably that's due to a lack of boundaries.

How To Set Boundaries with Difficult People - Julia Kristina Counselling​

​

5 Reasons To Set Healthy Boundaries with Toxic People​

How to Set Boundaries with Toxic People

It isnt easy to set boundaries with toxic people, but its something we can all learn to do and when we do, its

psychcentral.com

Psych Central is an independent mental health information and news website. - Wikipedia

I found the above video and link on DuckDuckGo for keyword "how to set boundaries with toxic people."

Spoiler: Show screenshot - DuckDuckGo search results

List of sources:

[1] https://juliakristina.com/boundaries-101-how-to-set-and-keep-your-boundaries/
[2] https://juliakristina.com/how-to-set-boundaries-with-difficult-people/
[3] https://juliakristina.com/about/

Disclaimer: The videos above are for educational purposes only. It is not a replacement for a real therapy session. If you still need support, please see a therapist.

 

[captain-sensible]

boundaries with toxic people

i'll have a look at that ; recently i've had to deal with a friend of my late wife. With good intent, i'm sure my wife before she died said to this "friend" help look out for the kids. Boy has she taken it to extremes. Divisive , narcissistic, pig headed, undermining, you name it.