i guess this an opporunity to try a Linux in a "live" flavor; old laptops had cd, and dvd drives , if yours had one all you would have to do is boot a Linux live straight from the drive. if so you could walk to to wh Smith buy linux mag with a free dvd and your off.
If not can also put Linux such as Knoppix onto a usb; but you need to access another pc to do a DD if= of= to transfer iso to stick