How to make friends online

[tinfoil-hat]

Hi, in early internet days, I found it very easy to find friends online. But now everyone sits in his / her own bubble. It sounds like a trivial question. But I feel like I am talking to bots, which "ghost" very quickly away.

Is there any one else that feels this way?

 

[wendy-lebaron]

No. Because there is plenty of anti-spiritual motivation combined with a small amount of desire to learn. There are repeated vain attempts to educate, to understand and to be patient. Things that I'm not very good with at all in real life.

I discovered early on that social networking in the manner of F______k wasn't for me. It doesn't mean I enjoy being in an impersonal posting forum. One has to walk the thin line being in a technical forum like this one. Have to remain as neutral as possible although it could be hard. Nothing wrong with demonstrating a human side but not too much being gullible or vulnerable.

I'm sorry I'm bored right now that I'm writing something close to poetry.

 

[camtaf]

Todays internet is more focused, more technical, more about information - Linux forums are mainly to share information.

I only use the internet as 'social' when talking about things that I'm interested in; Linux Forums, BSD Forums, Kickbiking Groups on FB, Harmonica Forums, etc.

 

[sphen]

When your member name is "Tinfoil Hat", it suggests to me that you may need to get out more. Do more things that involve real people. Volunteer. Take classes. TEACH classes. Get a hobby that involves hands-on, face-to-face interactions with live persons. Bonus if it tends to attract people with the gender of your interest. Offer a "Beginning Computers" or "Linux for Women" workshop at the library or community center. Make it really good.

I agree with @tinfoil-hat that some posts on Linux.org and elsewhere are beginning to read like transcripts from ChatBot. I am convinced that some people are using ChatBot to create their own posts, but do not understand the motivations behind the activities, nor whether they are coming from bots or real people.

I think that some of it may be spammers attacking forums with ChatBot-generated posts in an attempt to avoid "foothold detection" before the spam starts, but can't be sure. Another "ChatBot post" pattern that I have seen recently are "sophisticated responses" appearing as mid-thread or necro posts, which suddenly appear as first posts by new members. Repeating: I am seeing patterns of behavior, but do not fully understand what is behind them. It could be just "proof of concept" tests.

I do not have much to offer for finding friends online as you describe, and I am not surprised that it can be quite a challenge. Could it be the difference between mere conversations and "doing things together"? It is a lot easier to make friends if you interact with people to work on a common goal rather than simply sharing conversations and interests. I have a craft type hobby and belong to a local club. My friends from there are the ones where we help each other learn a technique, work on a project together, or go to an event together. My friends are not the ones who seem limited to friendly conversations at meetings. Nice people - I'd call them "friend" if asked - but not real true friends.

Online friends will nearly always be ephemeral. Get out and get to know real people. Expand your interests. This is good general advice that applies to everyone, of course.

 

[Terminal Velocity]

Hi, in early internet days, I found it very easy to find friends online. But now everyone sits in his / her own bubble. It sounds like a trivial question. But I feel like I am talking to bots, which "ghost" very quickly away.

Is there any one else that feels this way?

I have noticed that too, In the early internet you met someone from another country in a chat room and you were thrilled, those days are long gone, now it's trivial to speak with people around the world and so making friends online harder, the world have changed a lot

 

[wendy-lebaron]

The language barrier still exists, then and now. Forcing English on everybody is a poor way to get around it but a different solution is less desireable. Therefore, whoever is unable or unwilling to use a translator today is as cut off as one who cannot connect in ye olden days even if he/she were able to speak and write in English.

COVID-19 should have helped recall those early years of Internet, the days where DSL was a big deal as much as 5G today. I guess not, people were more uptight being forced to lock themselves in their homes instead of going to work. Back in the day it was only the "geeks" and the "social refugees" being able to visit each other, two people from different parts of the world as if they lived in the same town and met at the supermarket.

I made a mistake last year creating an account with a certain social-networking site where disrespect in writing and in images was all over. I couldn't be totally immune to it. Some things were being written that probably could have triggered a libel lawsuit during the 1980's. It's difficult to trust and to make friends online when one feels he/she has to write and think online one way, and then be himself/herself in real life. It could work for a while, especially in MMORPG if the person is a cash-shopper, but once the money is gone the "friends" are gone too. A pattern like this could be seen on any technical forum, about "I have better/more toys than yours", and then one who doesn't have very much to keep up with that trend has to be very courageous to discuss it.

To be a bit off-topic, it's fun to read a certain reviewer of Linux distributions having problems with Calamares installer, such that it crashes or does other bad things, because often he doesn't disable the screen saver. The reviews are always done on computers superior to mine about CPU, RAM and ability to do virtualization. It has happened to me a couple of times, and otherwise the main point of failure for me was unwillingness to install the bootloader into the target disk because it preferred the ESP created differently. So it gives me a bit more courage to talk about using a computer which is not even good enough today to be sold somewhere as budget option.

 

[camtaf]

Lol! I love getting old computers working with Linux/BSD, & this is why I will often say that I am using an old machine with just 1 or 2 GB of ram, & a somewhat slow processor (1.2GHz), it lets people know not to be ashamed that they can't afford a state of the art computer, because they can do all the usual desktop things on low powered computers.

 

[Brickwizard]

These days when, if you're under 45 your life is usually controlled by your smartphone and social media pressure to have as many friends as the world can supply, has changed how people interact. This was on my mate's Facebook he sent it to me, and it is very true.

 

[KGIII]

I've met all sorts of Internet friends in real life. You can find them at pretty much any site where you interact with other people. Heck, I once drove around the country visiting people I knew from a forum and then meeting up with other members/developers of the product itself.

It's quite normal for me to meet folks in real life. I've even dated two of them that I encountered - but not on dating sites as I've never used those. One of those relationships was a REALLY bad idea, though it did last quite a while.

I have two people coming to visit (just for a couple of days) next month. One is the adult son of the other one and I don't really 'know' them well. But, I've communicated with their father for a few years on a guitar forum.

There are a couple of Mainers here. Assuming I had the time, I'd go meet them somewhere. We can go out for lunch, go to a bar, wreck a hotel room, chase women while using our walkers, and get our spouses to come to bail us out the following morning!!! (I kid... I kid... Or do I?)

Making friends has never been a problem for me. Not all of them are what I'd call close friends and I have many folks I'd refer to as acquaintances. It's the same for finding someone to date. I've never really had difficulties with either. There's no 'trick' or 'secret' or 'game' to it.

Just be yourself, be honest, and try to be interesting and entertaining. Also, learn to shut up long enough to listen to the other person - be an active listener and attentive to their needs and wants. You know, things we should already be doing.

 

[SciTecDC]

Hi, in early internet days, I found it very easy to find friends online. But now everyone sits in his / her own bubble. It sounds like a trivial question. But I feel like I am talking to bots, which "ghost" very quickly away. Is there any one else that feels this way?

That's a kind of difficult question, I generally don't participate in various "social networks" because I find them to be rather anti-social. Also, I don't use a mobile phone as a rule, except in special cases where a satellite phone, such as Iridium, makes sense. I therefore prefer the real social environment, since even in various forums one can never be sure that the registered members are actually members and not sock puppets. So true friends, in my experience, are more likely to be found in real life.

 

[Lena10]

When your member name is "Tinfoil Hat", it suggests to me that you may need to get out more. Do more things that involve real people. Volunteer. Take classes. TEACH classes. Get a hobby that involves hands-on, face-to-face interactions with live persons. Bonus if it tends to attract people with the gender of your interest. Offer a "Beginning Computers" or "Linux for Women" workshop at the library or community center. Make it really good.

I agree with @tinfoil-hat that some posts on Linux.org and elsewhere are beginning to read like transcripts from ChatBot. I am convinced that some people are using ChatBot to create their own posts, but do not understand the motivations behind the activities, nor whether they are coming from bots or real people.

I think that some of it may be spammers attacking forums with ChatBot-generated posts in an attempt to avoid "foothold detection" before the spam starts, but can't be sure. Another "ChatBot post" pattern that I have seen recently are "sophisticated responses" appearing as mid-thread or necro posts, which suddenly appear as first posts by new members. Repeating: I am seeing patterns of behavior, but do not fully understand what is behind them. It could be just "proof of concept" tests.

I do not have much to offer for finding friends online as you describe, and I am not surprised that it can be quite a challenge. Could it be the difference between mere conversations and "doing things together"? It is a lot easier to make friends if you interact with people to work on a common goal rather than simply sharing conversations and interests. I have a craft type hobby and belong to a local club. My friends from there are the ones where we help each other learn a technique, work on a project together, or go to an event together. My friends are not the ones who seem limited to friendly conversations at meetings. Nice people - I'd call them "friend" if asked - but not real true friends.

Online friends will nearly always be ephemeral. Get out and get to know real people. Expand your interests. This is good general advice that applies to everyone, of course.

I an now trying to compile my Samsung kernel (without luck and start clearly understand that "Linux for woman" is not the same as Linux for man. Cause I see that all other programmers is luck in this way

 

[Haui111]

Hi, in early internet days, I found it very easy to find friends online. But now everyone sits in his / her own bubble. It sounds like a trivial question. But I feel like I am talking to bots, which "ghost" very quickly away.

Is there any one else that feels this way?

Yes, very relatable.

A lot of posters already said that it has become trivial to meet people online so most don’t bother keeping actual friendships.

I‘m one of those „couple close friends and nothing else“ people. Has become very hard to manage those friendships, at least for me.

Being friends with someone who shares my love for IT does sound cool though. Whoever feels the need for a friend can hit me up.

 

[wizardfromoz]

If you'd like an inspirational story in this subforum and you have not read it yet, try here

https://www.linux.org/threads/a-meeting-of-like-minds.35082/

Brian was already one of my best friends before we ever met (and that took 6 years and 8 months to happen, and right in the middle of the Pandemic, with lock-downs a common occurrence).

My wife passed away a little less than 12 months after the first meeting of the two families, and Brian and his wife have been the soul of support since.

Forums like this can be a fertile field for making friendships, provided you have the right attitude about give and take.

Wizard

 

[Haui111]

If you'd like an inspirational story in this subforum and you have not read it yet, try here

https://www.linux.org/threads/a-meeting-of-like-minds.35082/

Brian was already one of my best friends before we ever met (and that took 6 years and 8 months to happen, and right in the middle of the Pandemic, with lock-downs a common occurrence).

My wife passed away a little less than 12 months after the first meeting of the two families, and Brian and his wife have been the soul of support since.

Forums like this can be a fertile field for making friendships, provided you have the right attitude about give and take.

Wizard

This is most beautifully put. I‘ll read the post right away! Also sorry for your loss.

 

[wizardfromoz]

That's kind of you.

 

[KGIII]

Forums like this can be a fertile field for making friendships, provided you have the right attitude about give and take.

^ THIS

and Brian and his wife have been the soul of support since.

Which is most excellent. You really can form solid bonds with people you've met online.

As an aside: If I have the time, I'd definitely consider attending some sort of Linux.org meet-up. With the pandemic over, I'm finding myself with less free time than normal.

 

[Haui111]

^ THIS



Which is most excellent. You really can form solid bonds with people you've met online.

As an aside: If I have the time, I'd definitely consider attending some sort of Linux.org meet-up. With the pandemic over, I'm finding myself with less free time than normal.

I‘d be up for this as well. How about some coding sessions in between? I just thought about that. Could be a fun way to meet online soon.

 

[KGIII]

How about some coding sessions in between?

There'd be all sorts of potential activities. I'm thinking a meet-up in person would be ideal, but we could easily stream events - and maybe make it available to the wider community, or just limit it to folks registered here.

Maybe we could have a competition to see who can build a computer and install Arch on it the quickest and the winner gets to keep the computer.

We'd need funding and people to organize it - and participation.

 

[hacktheworld]

Hi, in early internet days, I found it very easy to find friends online. But now everyone sits in his / her own bubble. It sounds like a trivial question. But I feel like I am talking to bots, which "ghost" very quickly away.

Is there any one else that feels this way?

Unfortunately there is a lot of indifference and apathy, I see that in general people don't participate much in online discussions and if they participate they do it less and less (whether it's a forum, a social media or other), even less it's easy to find friends online. It is very difficult to know the reason for this fact. It is probably a sign of the times we are living in: a sociological investigation should be opened.

 

[wendy-lebaron]

Unfortunately there is a lot of indifference and apathy, I see that in general people don't participate much in online discussions and if they participate they do it less and less (whether it's a forum, a social media or other), even less it's easy to find friends online. It is very difficult to know the reason for this fact. It is probably a sign of the times we are living in: a sociological investigation should be opened.

To total strangers, some people want to discuss rather intimate things. It's because they become bored easily. Otherwise money, politics, religion... stuff which is against the TOS of this site. Which might make us over here look vain and preprogrammed but that's what it is.