How Do I Not Come Off as Holier-Than-Thou to People?

[Deleted member 111282]

I'm known for thinking introspectively, and earlier tonight, I was thinking about how I present myself to people (not necessarily on here, but more towards people in my personal life), and reality finally smacked me upside the head. I realized there have been several times where I let my morality, depth, intelligence, and blunt honesty get in the way of my relationships, which inadvertently causes me to come off as condescending to people, and has sometimes led to a fall-out with some of them. Because of that, now I'm interested in finally breaking this habit. If I talked to my brother about this, I imagine he'd tell me that most of what I say isn't at all wrong, but how I say it is the problem. It seems as though this all stems from me being introverted, a rebel, socially-awkward, having an anti-hero type of personality, having a low tolerance for stupidity, and doing whatever I can to not perpetuate the inhumanity of humanity. I want to present myself as a person who stands behind his principles, but I don't want to viewed as having an inadvertently-aggressive stance when it comes to my principles. How do I make myself be the former instead of the latter?

Update: After reading up on Squidward's personality, it finally hit me that I'm the real-life of him, due to how many similarities him and I share

 

[wizardfromoz]

Bob, remind us if you have been diagnosed with any clinical disorders of the mental health variety, and if so, which.

Cheers and it's Friday in Oz, so

Avagudweegend.

Wiz

 

[captain-sensible]

A couple of things @SpongebobFan1994 ; other peoples judgements are only that. i.e They are subjective completely in relation to the person making the judgement. Now for those that have been divorced and then found another partner here is an interesting thing. The elements or behavior that the first wife "diagnosed" according to my 2nd wife do not exist. Therefore it always is to do "in part" other people's issue and buttons that can be pressed. Now there are different approaches. If the objective is to get along better with people , you can look at cogitative behavior therapy.

The other thing is that people tend to respond to labels they have given themselves or given by other people. So if you believe you are for instance aggressive you might tend to fufil that prophecy . If you believe or exhibit "divine love" for people maybe interactions will be smooth .

How you might treat people is influenced by attitude; but attitude is influenced by belief.
So you can also examine your beliefs.

Lets look at a scenario where supposedly irresponsible people are given responsibility (maybe they start o family) , you might find they morph into totally responsible people. Basically there is plenty of scope for things to improve [for all of us] ! me i have a rolling release approach to improvment

 

[Deleted member 111282]

Bob, remind us if you have been diagnosed with any clinical disorders of the mental health variety, and if so, which.

Cheers and it's Friday in Oz, so

Avagudweegend.

Wiz

Aspergers, which is a high-end form of Autism

 

[Hillbilly H]

( I ) realized there have been several times where ( I ) let my morality, depth, intelligence, and blunt honesty get in the way of my relationships,

if ( i ) may be blunt? ( i ) think Maybe ask your self. "Am I rely all that and a bag of chips?" You may be but.
"in peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility. William Shakespeare"

 

[Alexzee]

The thing that helps me is to remember to treat others the way that I would want to be treated.

 

[Deleted member 111282]

A couple of things @SpongebobFan1994 ; other peoples judgements are only that. i.e They are subjective completely in relation to the person making the judgement. Now for those that have been divorced and then found another partner here is an interesting thing. The elements or behavior that the first wife "diagnosed" according to my 2nd wife do not exist. Therefore it always is to do "in part" other people's issue and buttons that can be pressed. Now there are different approaches. If the objective is to get along better with people , you can look at cogitative behavior therapy.

The other thing is that people tend to respond to labels they have given themselves or given by other people. So if you believe you are for instance aggressive you might tend to fufil that prophecy . If you believe or exhibit "divine love" for people maybe interactions will be smooth .

How you might treat people is influenced by attitude; but attitude is influenced by belief.
So you can also examine your beliefs.

Lets look at a scenario where supposedly irresponsible people are given responsibility (maybe they start o family) , you might find they morph into totally responsible people. Basically there is plenty of scope for things to improve [for all of us] ! me i have a rolling release approach to improvment

I agree that the person on the receiving end of a judgment can respond to it positively or negatively. It all depends on the person and their relationship with the person making the judgment. However, being that I have anger problems, which tend to flair up in response to stupidity or inhumanity, some people on the receiving end of my judgments have broke off their relationship with me because they now see me as a butthead, while others have slightly improved themselves in response to what I said to them. While I do want to change my approach of how I present myself (so people don't think of me as a butthead), there are sometimes where its necessary to tell people the blunt and honest truth about things. Knowing when the situation calls for bluntness and when it doesn't is what I seem to be struggling with.

 

[Deleted member 111282]

The thing that helps me is to remember to treat others the way that I would want to be treated.

Everyone knows that, but very few people actually practice what they preach. Most of the time I can treat people the way I want to be treated, but if they're saying or doing things that are wrong, or make no sense regardless of how you look at it, then I seem to go into "attack mode" and chew them out. Being that I'm a rebel, I often have the most issues with normies, mainly because they're the prime example of Pavlovian Conditioning, and as Mark Twain once said "Its easier to fool a man, than convince him he has been fooled."

 

[wizardfromoz]

Aspergers, which is a high-end form of Autism

Do say? I have it , as I have mentioned at Andy's Thread here

https://www.linux.org/threads/mental-well-being-and-coping-strategies.29492/post-95432

I found

Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome
Book by Liane Holliday Willey

to be a good read.

you can look at cogitative behavior therapy.

Just for accuracy, and not being pedantic, that is cognitive benefit therapy, aka CBT.

Do you have a treating psychologist or psychiatrist?

Chris

 

[Alexzee]

Everyone knows that, but very few people actually practice what they preach. Most of the time I can treat people the way I want to be treated, but if they're saying or doing things that are wrong, or make no sense regardless of how you look at it, then I seem to go into "attack mode" and chew them out. Being that I'm a rebel, I often have the most issues with normies, mainly because they're the prime example of Pavlovian Conditioning, and as Mark Twain once said "Its easier to fool a man, than convince him he has been fooled."

When people are able to control their emotions things can go well.

 

[darry1966]

A regard for other people is paramount for me. Also listening to their view on something.

Had a tendency to want to overide other people with my view/I am right they are wrong kind of thing.

 

[Deleted member 111282]

When people are able to control their emotions things can go well.

Though my anger problems were much worse when I was younger, I've learned to control it and eventually became a level-headed person. Even when I'm talking to normies, the conversation starts fine, but everything goes south when they get defensive in response to me saying something that contradicts their mentality (even when I'm being polite about it, but they're taking it the wrong way). As a result, they then show me just how far their heads are up their own butts. A perfect example of that was my relationship with one of my ex-friends.

 

[Deleted member 111282]

A regard for other people is paramount for me. Also listening to their view on something.

Had a tendency to want to overide other people with my view/I am right they are wrong kind of thing.

While I can see how other people think I have a "I'm right, they're wrong" kind of mentality, the problem is most people don't think for themselves, and therefore don't fully understand logic as much as they should. Just so everyone's clear, I'll admit there have been several times where even I've struggled with that, so I'm not saying I'm any better or worse than anyone else. What I am saying is I've learned to separate myself from the crowd. Regardless though, its amazing how even with all the achievements and advancements in human history, most of the population still prefers to have a dogmatic perception of the world around them.

 

[Deleted member 111282]

Do say? I have it , as I have mentioned at Andy's Thread here

https://www.linux.org/threads/mental-well-being-and-coping-strategies.29492/post-95432

I found

Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome
Book by Liane Holliday Willey

to be a good read.



Just for accuracy, and not being pedantic, that is cognitive benefit therapy, aka CBT.

Do you have a treating psychologist or psychiatrist?

Chris

I've gotten some books from Temple Grandin (whom I got to meet twice in person). I should read those more often.