Cold jokes

Hillbilly H

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Got so cold last night the computer in the barn froze up.
:p...Well thats kind of normal its running windows... :p
 


This isn't a joke, but it's kinda amusing. It's also informative! This here's important information! As such, I'd be remiss to not share it here.

The coldest I've seen up here on the mountain is -40. My thermometer didn't go any lower. I understand it was a few degrees colder than that. The winds were gusting in the 40 to 50 mph range, so the windchill calculations were off the chart. That's a 'feels like' temperature nearing a triple digit negative - but that's not actually the real temperature.

Anyhow, if you spit when it's that cold your spit freezes before it hits the ground. When I learned this, I knew I had to take it to a whole other level.

If you pee out in the snow (and who here hasn't) when it gets that cold it doesn't melt a hole in the snow like you'd expect, it builds a little stalagmite type of thing. It's better if there's more distance to the snow, so if you can stand on a balcony and pee down from that height, you can make an even taller pee stalagmite formation.

It's gotta be REALLY cold for this, but you can make little yellow pee stalagmites if you wanna.
 
Oh... For those that don't know, I'm not very white. No, I'm mostly Native American. My people are from Nova Scotia, the islands off the coast of Maine, and subsisted along the northern seaboard part of Maine - a mostly coastal people, with some woodland occupation.

So, I'm going to share an ancient Mi'kmaq secret to deal with cold weather.

First, get good socks. Wigwam (no laughing at the brand name and my love for them) make good socks. LL Bean also make great woolen socks. While you're at LL Bean, get a pair of the fuzzy slippers.

Now, put one pair of socks on. See? Your feet are already happy! Now, put the other pair of socks into the dryer for 30 minutes. You can also actually microwave them. The whole point is to get them warm.

Next, put the warm socks into a thermos. Just kinda roll 'em up the long way and they fit right into a standard Stanley Thermos.

Now, go outdoors. Stay outdoors, hunting or working. Embrace the cold, for it is invigorating.

When you're done for the day, go back to your truck. Open the thermos and pull out the still warm socks.

Take your boots and socks off and put on the warm socks. Put on your fuzzy LL Bean slippers. Enjoy the drive home with warm and comfy feet.

My people have been doing this for tens of thousands of years!
 
Back in the 60's the UK had a winter road safety campaign, " wear something white at night,"
So my aunt went out clubbing, she wore a white pvc coat a white PVC hat and white PVc thigh boots.





She got run over by a snow plough
 
She got run over by a snow plough

I can't tell if you're joking or if you're serious. Either way, I'm pretty sure that wearing something white at night and in a snowstorm really seems like a bad idea. I mean, it's better than wearing black but how much better?!?
 
It was a very old joke [not the road safety campaign bit ]
 

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